Altruism breeds love

After working with a client in the Hollywood area, I decided to clock in some Uber/Lyft hours last night to kill some time while traffic died down. I figured if I was going to be sitting in traffic for about an hour anyways, I might as well do it in the service of others while making some extra much-needed cash. This sense of altruism has served me well as a rideshare driver.

Rideshare driving 101

Rule #1 of rideshare driving is to always ask for the name of person about to get in your car. You want to make sure you’re picking up the right person. And riders always appreciate it when you’re not about to let anyone steal their Uber or Lyft ride. 

Rule #2 of rideshare driving is to ask every passenger how his or her day is going. How a person’s day is actually going is insignificant, but what is important is the mood that person is in when he or she gets into your car. How the rider responds to you will tell you everything you need to know to give them an ideal ridesharing experience. 

Some people just want you to shut up and drive. Other people hate awkward silence. Everyone else, I’ve discovered, is just having a really bad day.

When someone is having a bad day, the last thing he or she needs is some stranger inadvertently pouring salt on the wound. The other day, I picked up a woman who totally made my day, and I’m pretty sure I made hers. But it didn’t start that way.

Spreading love on wheels

Here’s how a typical Uber/Lyft ride with me usually pans out:

“How’s your day going?” I asked once the rider got in my car.

“Not good. I’m probably going to be a bad passenger,” she said, or something to that effect.

I took that as my cue to shut up and drive. Some people just need a moment of silence to themselves, so I gave it to her until she engaged me in a conversation.

I shan’t bore you with the details of the conversation that ensued, but for a brief moment in time we bonded over the highs and lows of entrepreneurship and had empathy for one another. The path that leads to being your own boss is not an easy one, but the highs outweigh the lows if you can learn to effectively weather each and every storm.

I wish I had more time to connect with her and share with her a trick I picked up along my own journey for moments when you feel like the walls are caving in on you. Maybe I’ll just have to write a new blog post all about it and hope she reads it. 

She sincerely thanked me for the ride and for “getting it” before we parted ways. I turned her day around through a moment of connectivity. And she totally made my day by validating the fact that none of us are really alone in our battles against the rest of the world. 

Be a beacon of light for those who still have hope

Share and spread your love with everyone you meet. You never know who will need it. You might save someone’s life without even realizing it. 

This blog is dedicated to all those who have lost their lives to suicide and substance abuse. If someone, anyone,  had given them better and healthier coping mechanisms, maybe they’d still be alive. 

R.I.P. Uncle Randy (suicide)

R.I.P. KF (substance abuse)

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Playing the field

Man, has it been an interesting past couple of days. Let’s see…

I’m trying out this duty dating thing I heard about on Dr. Emily Morse’s “Sex with Emily” podcast.

I went out with a guy I would normally never date after meeting at a networking event.

I finally made my way to see one of Dr. Pat Allen’s Monday night forums on relationships where I found myself in the hot seat in front of 100 people.

I also heard from Moby (not his real name), an old friend with benefit who I sort of lost sexual interest in the moment he became a dad. We’re still really good friends and talk every once in a blue moon when one of us needs to hash out whatever relationship troubles we might be having at the time. Tonight happened to be one of those nights.

“I needed to talk to a girl about this, but I can’t talk to other girls like I can talk to you… we have a connection,” he said to me. This is coming from the biggest “bad-boy” player I have ever known. 

“That we do,” I replied. Just knowing him and having him on my team has always given me the upper-hand in dating. He’s my go-to “guy speak” interpreter. He’s basically like my secret weapon in the dating game, and the reason I am so empathetic toward men. I hear all the bullshit men have to go through just to make a woman happy.

But before I get into all that…

What is love?

I recently listened to Tim Ferriss interview comedian Whitney Cummings for his podcast. The topic of the hour was turning pain into creativity and rituals for success. The conversation started with Ferriss asking about a white tattoo on her wrist that said, “I love you” which led to the title of one her hour-long comedy specials and her definition of love.

“My definition of love is being willing to die for someone you, yourself, want to kill,” she said. I laughed right on queue.

It got me thinking about my own definition of love. As the byproduct of a loveless marriage between two people who should have never been together in the first place, let alone gotten married after only six months of dating, I’ve come to see love as a team sport.

Deny it all you want, but dating is a game, just not in the mindfucking kind of way that most people refer to when they say they don’t like “playing games” in dating.

Here’s a screenshot of something I wrote in the Tinder Society’s private Facebook group a little while ago when the subject came up for discussion:

As cliché as it sounds, it really does take two to tango.

My definition of love is when this game of catch and release has no end. Sure, it comes in seasons with everyone’s fair share of wins and losses, but the game never really ends when you love someone for all eternity and make a commitment to them.

It reminds me of the time I interviewed a firefighter for a front page piece in the local paper. He gave me the best unsolicited relationship advice I have ever heard after he told me the story of how he met his second wife on an airplane headed to Australia where they ended up vacationing together.

“Never stop dating your partner,” he said as they were getting ready for their weekly date night. That always stuck with me.

I guess you could say I’m looking for someone to play proverbial catch with. I just haven’t met my ideal relationship teammate yet.

Duty dating

So the last guy I dated was about 10 years younger than the guy I dated before him who was about four years older than me. I usually prefer dating older guys, but I figured dating someone significantly younger might give me some perspective. 

Even though I knew it was doomed before it even started on account of not sharing the same values, I dated the young’n anyway because he was hot and had a big dick. When it didn’t work out, I wasn’t heartbroken at all, but my ego did take a huge hit.

I’m a fucking catch, and you won’t even realize it until you’re my age, I remember thinking.

I went on sort of a dating detox for a few months so I could get over myself basically. I figured I could also use the break to recalibrate my “man-picker” (as some dating experts like to call it).

Then I heard Emily Morse talking about this “duty dating” concept coined by Dr. Pat Allen. From my understanding of it, the idea is to date three people at a time, three times each, with people you’d normally never go out with just to practice your dating skills until you’re ready for real dating, which is what happens when you’re mutually attracted to someone and you go out. 

Duty dating is not based on chemistry or attraction like real dating. Instead, it’s based on practicing essential dating skills. (Hmm, not a bad idea for my dating column on Examiner.com… need a guest dating expert….noted.)

Since the love life is currently non-existent, I decided I’d be open to dating someone I normally wouldn’t date should the opportunity present itself. Sure enough, it did when I met a guy at a panel discussion / networking event.

I thought nothing more of him than a friendly person making conversation with the people around him. During the networking portion of the event, we ended up chatting a little bit. 

At one point during our interaction, he made some kind of quip about me going out with him, but I just gave him my “uh-huh, yah right, never gonna happen” laugh. (If you happen to know me, then you know the laugh because you’ve heard it before.)

When he asked me for my number, I gave it to him figuring he’d forget he had it a day later. When he asked if I was free on Sunday or Monday night, I didn’t think we’d actually meet until he made good on his word and followed up with me on the day I said I’d be free with a meeting time and location. This is how seamless dating should be, I thought to myself. Now this is the right way to use text messaging in dating; short, simple and to the point. 

Long story short, I’m glad I gave him a shot and didn’t judge him by his name or his looks. I would have missed out on a potentially great guy had I dismissed him right off the bat.

Even though I think some of Dr. Allen’s advice is a bit outdated, maybe there is something to this “duty dating” thing afterall.

Speaking of Dr. Allen…

The Pat Allen Show

I finally got to attend one of Allen’s weekly Monday night relationship forums. I volunteered to be in the hot seat to ask her a question about dating, only I didn’t know what I was volunteering for initially.

I don’t really I have a serious dating dilemma I actually care enough about to make a whole scene of it, so I asked her how to negotiate a sex contract since that’s kind of her M.O.

Her advice to me was kind of lame in my opinion, because I’m not trying to get married like most women. And she didn’t really answer my question without talking about a promise ring or some guarantee of a marriage in 6 to 12 months. Eek, that’s a little too soon to be thinking about marriage, in my opinion.

“What if a guy says he’ll commit or marry you just to have sex with you? How do you weed out the liars?” I asked. She evaded the question entirely with an answer that wasn’t really relevant to me at all.

Instead, she suggested that I must have been raped or molested as a child, which — for the record — never happened to me as a kid. Sure, I was verbally abused by my mother, but she never touched me inapproriately, nor did my dad.

Despite that embarrasing moment when she called me a really horny girl and made a crowd of 100 people think I was sexually abused as a child, I still learned a lot from her during her interactions with other people and their dating dilemmas. She was also a lot funnier than I thought she’d be. I would definitely go again.

Moby Dick

My friend hit me up with some baby mama drama. All I can really do is listen because I will never understand what it’s like to be a parent and stay in a bad relationship thinking it’s better for the kids. It’s not. I would know.

My parents stayed together for me and my brother, but they should have divorced a lot sooner because I had a hard time with it while it was happening, always being stuck in the middle and mediating between two grown adults acting like children. I was only in junior high.

Naturally, Moby asked if I was seeing anyone and offered himself to me if I needed any dick. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I told him. To give him a bit of a ego stroke, I added: “You’ll be the first person I call if I ever need some dick.” I lied. So sue me. 

I really had nothing more to say to him that he hasn’t already heard me say before. I know him, and he’ll just keep going back to her. For starters, he wants to be the man his daughters need and make it work with baby mama. But the truth he’ll never admit is that he is a slave to her pussy. She fulfills him sexually, and that’s why he fell in love with her in the first place.

That’s part of the reason it would never work between him and I beyond a friends with ocassional benefits type of relationship. A) He doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body and B) I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to fully satisfy his needs. 

Moby’s appetite for sex is so great that if we ever did date, I’d gladly let him get his needs met elsewhere just so that I didn’t have to shoulder that responsibility. But that’s also not the kind of relationship I want with someone. I’m leaning toward something closer to monogamy. I still have hope that the relationship I want with someone special, and deserving of me, is out there somewhere waiting for me to trip all over it.

What I want more than anything is fall in love again, in every sense of the phrase. I want to stumble upon it haphazardly or let it hit me like a ton of bricks. I want to love and feel loved. And I want that with someone I admire and respect. While I may have a certain level of respect for Moby, having been long-time friends and all — even before we started periodically getting each other off as personal favors — he isn’t exactly someone to be admired. But that is a whole other story not mine to tell. 

The new guy I met, however, is more along the lines of someone I could admire and respect. I thought he was a gentleman, and he had really good game, which was very much appreciated.

I’m going to give this “duty dating” thing a serious try and stay open-minded. If I don’t find love, at the very least, I’ll restore my faith in humanity.

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Leadership & softball

I manage an adult women’s fastpitch softball team in my hometown, even though I live about 45 to 90 min away — depending on traffic. Every season I volunteer to manage a team, I always ask myself, Why the fuck am I doing this?

“It’s never easy managing [a team], but at the end of the day, you taking initiative let’s everyone enjoy playing. Not everyone has the guts to manage,” the league president wrote to me in a private chat message from the other side of the world. 

I just spent my entire morning for the last few days tying up loose ends making sure all of our team fees were turned in by the final deadline and finalizing the roster.

I needed to fill my roster to keep fees as low as possible but all my recruits kept dropping out because the fees were too high. For every player I recruited, I’d lose another. 

I was seriously about ready to give up when my roster of 12 turned into a roster of nine because one player dropped out and two of them were unresponsive. On top of that, I was down two players for this Sunday’s first game of the season and left with only 7 players to work with.

I kept league officials updated throughout the whole process, and they worked with me to find subs while I kept texting recruits to see what the deal was. 

Being diligent and transparent the whole way through really helped everything finally come together for the team.

I now have an 11 player roster with one open spot on the team. We still owe $100 but I have a plan to fundraise the balance due. And with the help of league officials, I was able to secure a sub to ensure we have a full-team ready to play tomorrow.

I’ve got all my gear packed in the car and ready to go. My roster is more or less set. Now I can finally breathe for the rest of the day until it’s game time tomorrow. 

So why do I put myself through the stress of managing a recreational softball team? Because it helps me develop essential leadership skills and become a more effective communicator. It also helps me learn the importance of consistency in leadership, and how to deal with difficult people. Quite simply, I enjoy the challenge of it all. 

And when I see my team playing on the field, all getting along and having fun, it makes me feel really good about myself knowing that I helped give these women at least one thing they can look forward to every week no matter how shitty life can get sometimes. 

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Morning rituals

Do you have any?

What kind of morning rituals do you have that set your day up for success?

That was the question I posed (via #AbramEvents Twitter hashtag) to a panel of speakers on the psychology of success during a networking event I went to Wednesday night.

Spirituality played a big role for everyone on the panel. Since the event took place at a Jewish synagogue, and most of the panel were Jewish, their answers didn’t really help me out very much because they involved Jewish activities, like studying the Torah or something like that. I’m not Jewish, but I am Catholic. Still, I don’t imagine I’ll take up reading the Bible anytime soon.

One guy joked about chasing after his wife every morning to undress her, and another one said getting his kids ready for school was his routine. I couldn’t relate to those “rituals” either because I’m as single as a lone chop stick and my life is definitely not dictated by a mini-me. (I’m not even sure I really want kids, but that’s a whole other topic and blog post I shall save for another day).

Only one panel speaker said he meditated for about 20 minutes everyday. Now that was something I found useful because it’s part of a pattern I’ve noticed among many successful people I admire and respect. Tim Ferriss, for instance, also meditates for about 20 minutes a day and he swears by it.

Meditation is only one aspect of a morning ritual I’ve been diligently trying to create for myself using the Coach.me app, but I’ve been having a hard time crafting a recipe of morning habits that are conducive to my own personal success.

I lack consistency. I’m too much at the whim of my own emotions, and I just do whatever feels right in the moment.  The general idea is to start every morning with three key ingredients:

  1. Reading – It’s my favorite way to nourish my mind and get my brain juices flowing.
  2. Meditating – I meditate as a means for personal introspection in a quest to become a master of my emotions, thereby nourishing and honoring my sense of spirit.
  3. Exercising – I’d like to be able to run a few miles every day, start weight lifting a few times a week and do 100 sit ups daily to nourish my body while strengthening my arm muscles and core.

The reading habit is easy. The other two, not so much. Life happens. You know how that goes.

The Miracle Morning

I was listening to a podcast interview the other day that mentioned this concept called “The Miracle Morning” based on a book with the same title written by Hal Elrod.

My ears immediately perked open because that was the best phrase to describe exactly what I’m trying to establish for myself.

I took notes of the interviewee’s typical morning routine to see what I could extract for myself from what’s already working for someone else:

  • 30-60 min morning walk
  • 5 min meditation via Calm app
  • Reading daily affirmations to self
  • 5 min of gratitude via 5-min Journal app
  • 15 min of reading
  • 10 min of core exercises

Then he spends 30 min or less showering and grooming before starting his work day.

I was listening to another podcast interview with an interviewee who also mentioned Hal Elrod’s book, “The Miracle Morning”.

His morning routine included six “light savers” I think he called them (he must have been a “Star Wars” geek):

Silence
A
ffirmations
V
isualization
E
xercise
R
eading
S
cribing

In both of these accounts of morning ritual ingredients, meditating, reading and exercise are a common denominator.

So let me ask you:

What are the secret ingredients to your ideal morning for achieving maximum productivity throughout the rest of your day?

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Writing fears & alter egos

So I was reading this article in a recent issue of Writer’s Digest about writing and the role vulnerability plays in good writing.

The author, Grant Faulkner, wrote:

A good story occurs when an author travels, or even plummets, into the depths of vulnerability in search of truths that otherwise go untold.

He goes on to address two levels of vulnerability at play – that of writing the words themselves and that of sharing those words.

What really resonated with me the most, however, was a line that came before all of that referencing a common fear among writers.

That’s when it dawned on me.

I’m not afraid of failure. I’m not afraid of success either. I thought my fear was of what other people think, but I realized that’s not quite accurate either.

What I fear most is that people will confuse my writing persona (which is really just an extension of myself) from my real life persona, almost like one of Nicki Minaj’s alter egos.

The cool thing about alter egos is that it allows you to become your other self, a self that generally lies dormant for the most part unless duty calls. For Nicki Minaj, that duty may be her music.

Duty calls when Clark Kent transforms himself into Superman; Bruce Wayne, Batman; Peter Parker, Spiderman; Bruce Banner, The Hulk; Nicole Christina Payne, Niki Payne.

In the story of Jekyll and Hyde, the idea of an alternate identity represents an underlying notion that both good and evil exist within us.

In my case, it represents two aspects of myself: the conservative side of me as well as my liberal side.

The original me is slightly more conservative because that’s how I was raised — I grew up Catholic, not that it means much these days considering. My alter ego, on the other hand, leans pretty liberal.

Why don’t you just be your real self? someone asked me today during a networking event in Beverly Hills.

Because it is my real self; it’s an extension of myself, but it’s only one piece of me and doesn’t represent me entirely. I come in layers, and that persona is simple one layer of many.

I fear that my life will be confused with the words that I write. It’s happened before, and it certainly won’t be the last.

So that’s why I started this blog (for what seems like the gazillionth time now).

Consider this blog a public account of what happens when you finally start facing your fears head on or through the back door so to speak. I’ve tackled half the battle just writing out my inner most thoughts. Now, the other half of the battle is getting the courage to share my art of expression with others in an effort to help people move forward and progress along their own journeys in life.

Through this process of writing and sharing my vulnerabilities for all to criticize, condemn or praise, it is my hope to create more congruency between my online persona and my real life persona.

The most memorable feedback I’ve ever gotten was when I first got started writing back in 2008-2009 when I was writing mostly for myself before my fears took root for more than five years. Liz from Long Beach wrote to me:

I really enjoy reading your blogs. They are so interesting and actually help me understand a little about myself … I applaud you for being so open with everything. Too bad not everyone is like that. You shed light from a different perspective. Thank you. 

I saved a handful of messages like these from men and women who got something out of my work. I don’t get them anymore ever since I started writing professionally, and my words were no longer my own but someone else’s. 

I once tried my hand at ghostblogging for a well-known dating expert. The articles performed well, but it was largely unfulfilling. They were my words, but they weren’t.

After nearly a decade of fighting my inherent need to write and share obssessively and compulsively, I finally decided to give up the fight and revert back to my original stream-of-conscious style of writing. 

Survival of the Singles is Niki Payne uncensored, unfiltered and unsanitized. I invite you to join me on a journey of personal growth and develolment on the road to financial independence, optimal health and finding a love that is ever steadfast. 

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Starting with why

Writing Prompt: Write down your why – not once, but 3 times. First, just a draft to get all your thoughts out. Second, to refine or add to your draft. The third time, ask yourself, is every word of this exactly what I want for my life? 

I’ve been reading this book called “Starting with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action” by Simon Sinek. Defining my why has always been kind of a challenge for me, but I’m realizing how truly important knowing your why really is. Knowing your why helps drive every decision you have to make with enhanced focus and clarity, both of which are necessary when it comes to goal setting.

I recently decided to renew my consultant status with Arbonne after failing miserably at the whole network marketing thing a couple years ago. So why am I giving it another go when I’ve already got a lot on my plate? The answer is simple: income diversity.

After being laid off in the past, not once but twice, I vowed I’d never again rely on a single source of income for my well-being. Right now, I have three primary sources of income:

  1. Writing – a la NikiPayne.com
  2. Consulting – a la LoveballMedia.com
  3. Ridesharing – a la Uber & Lyft

I’m finally back at ground zero, making what I used to be making when I worked a full-time job, but I’m also back where I started, chasing after scheme after scheme in pursuit of doubling my income.

Being the daughter of a programmer, I naturally plan for contingencies. Once such contingency I’m planning for is that of a car accident. If, heaven forbid, I get into an accident, there goes my third source of income, so I will likely need something to supplement my ridesharing income in case I lose that income for awhile. My car lease is also up in about a year from now, so I need to plan on either refinancing my car or saving up a sizeable down payment for a new car. I upgraded the last two times my lease expired, so I might just upgrade again. We’ll see. I’ve got one year to improve my credit score too.

Anyway, in preparations for the possibility of losing my most reliable income source, I signed up to be an Arbonne consultant so I can start building an additional stream of income in the meanwhile. I meet so many people daily through Uber and Lyft so it seemed like a good time to be a consultant again. Every new person I give a ride to is a chance to re-invent myself when people ask me the inevitable question of “What else do you do besides Uber/Lyft?”

The truth is, I do lots of things, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My life is more exciting and much more fulfilling as a result of being “all over the place” in the eyes of those who don’t get the method to my madness. I don’t fit into any one box. I’ve tried to fit myself into a box so many times, but it just doesn’t work for me. I enjoy the variety and spontaneity in my life. 

If there is one thing I know I can rely on, it’s that change is constant. Things are always changing, people are always changing and so are the circumstances during which decisions must be made on the fly. It’s all part of learning and growing and I love it. I’m blessed for all the struggles because it’s making me a better person for it so that gratitude comes much easier in light of the hardships. But I digress. 

Aside from all that, the big reason why I decided to rejoin Arbonne is because I really believe in the company and its mission. It also doesn’t hurt that I’m a huge fan of the products myself. (The FC5 moisturizer is seriously the best moisturizer ever, in my opinion, and the RE9 facial cleanser is my new favorite because it removes eye makeup with ease while keeping my skin young and vibrant).

I also joined Arbonne because I believe in its ability to help me achieve financial independence. I joined Arbonne to ultimately help pay off a mountain of student loan debt totaling close to $95,000. What am I doing now is not getting me there any faster, so it’s time to explore new income generating sources and new ways to increase my overall wealth.

I’m building an Arbonne business to help eliminate student loan debt, fund my softball team and support my creative endeavors.

These are all things I really do want for myself. I want my family to live a debt-free life. I want to take my softball team to national tournaments. I also want to support my writing career. These are my whys. What are your whys for doing some of the things you do?

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#500wed challenge

I am challenging myself to write 500 words a day as a daily writing habit. When I originally tried this challenge, I failed miserably because I was putting myself under the pressure of having to publish 500 amazing words every day. You could say I’m an over achiever, but I’m really not. I just have high standards for myself. 

Anyway, I’m taking another stab at this because it kills me everyday when I don’t publish something. It doesn’t even have to be amazing. I just need to do it because it soothes my soul to unleash the magic inside me clawing its way out. Consider this blog the wild plains of which I let this magic roam freely and uninhibited. 

The plan is to stack this habit on top of a few other habits I’m working on getting down with more consistency.

The general idea is to nourish my mind, body and spirit within the first 90 minutes of my day to set it off on the right food.

For nourishing my mind, I start every morning by reading a book to wake myself up and get my neurons all nice and fired up. 

For nourishing my body, I plan on running a mile around the block every morning to keep all my fat cells from getting to comfortable in my mid-section. I also wish to include some core exercises and a little yoga stretching.

For nourishing my spirit, I plan on meditating for five or ten minutes after working out and expressing my gratitude via the 5-minute journal.

I’m still figuring out the right order of habits most conducive to my own personal success.

What morning habits do you have that can make or break your day if not properly executed?

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Cheap sex

I once met a couple from Tinder for some threesome fun. I’ve only ever done it once, with two close friends I knew would be open to it, so I thought it would be interesting to see how the etiquette of it all would play out with complete strangers. 

It was a fascinating social experiment that worked well in everyone’s favor. I had fun. They had fun. We all had fun. And that was that. Then life happened, and I never heard from them again until…

A few months later, they kept hitting me up to hang for three weeks straight, but I kept blowing them off. I’m not really interested in another rendezvous, at least not anytime soon.  The whole thrill of it all is now past me. Been there, done that. Not really feeling it anymore. But I also wouldn’t mind keeping them around as an option. A girl has needs every now and then, although I’m pretty sure I’ve had my fill for the rest of the year. 

I know they just want to fuck. As for me? I can make myself cum in five minutes with nothing but my hands and a little imagination. Fucking is overrated. It’s cheap and easy. Sex is so easy that it has officially lost its appeal on me. I’ve pretty much done everything I’ve ever wanted to do sexually. I kinda think monogamous sex might actually be a little more exciting than casual sex.

In my personal explorations of alternative relationships and the dynamics of such relationships over the years, I still haven’t quite figured out whether monogamy will work for me. I haven’t quite figured out whether polyamory will work for me either. I’m still figuring it all out as I go. If there is one thing I have figured out so far, it’s this:

I’ll take dick over pussy any day of the week.

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7 reasons to write a book

Speaking of burning desire, I have a goal of launching my first book by my 30th birthday. Considering I’ve been playing with this idea for the past five years, I’m long overdue. I need to stop talking about it and just do it already.

But what’s the value in writing a book? And why am I so enamored with the idea of publishing one of my own? Here are seven reasons why it might actually be worthwhile to write a book:

1. A book positions you as an authority.

2. A book enhances your credibility for speaking opportunities.

3. A book can bring in a supplemental source of income in the form of book sales.

4. A book can increase your value in the marketplace allowing you to command higher fees.

5. A book can increase your exposure and lead to new clients.

6. A book can lead to an additional source of revenue in the form of coaching services and group seminars.

7. A book gives you a certain level celebrity appeal that will no doubt help with all of the aforementioned.

I know a simple book is not going to lead me to $1,000,000 right off the bat. I also know that the investment will be worth it when looking at the big picture.

Here are some other miscellaneous notes I want to capture before I get rid of the paper copy:

It’s not the book, but the hook.
Sell them what they want, give them what they need.

Title – attractive to left side of brain
Subtitle – attractive to right side of brain

“everything I touch turns to gold”
maximizing human potential
leadership development

multiple streams of income vs multiple streams of fulfillment <– I really dig this idea.

If you don’t succeed on your own terms, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
If you succeed on someone’s else’s terms, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do. (murray henry quote?)

urgent doesn’t always mean important

avoiding pain/ gaining pleasure

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Burning desire

It is my burning desire to make a living for myself through the art and war of words.

Words are among the most sacred tools we have for self-expression.

It is my burning desire to make an impact on other people’s lives by writing, blogging, speaking and sharing words of wisdom, courage and love.

In light of this burning desire, my chief aim has become developing a writing habit so that I can finally finish writing and publish my first book. I truly believe that authoring a book will enhance my credibility and open new doors for me as a result. I also believe books are the new calling cards.

I also have this burning desire to start a podcast and YouTube series. I’ve often been told that I could make more of an impact if I put myself out there a little more with video. I feel more comfortable behind a tape recorder than a video camera, so that is probably where I’ll start.

I’m kind of figuring things out as I go along. The initial goal is to create a business that suits my lifestyle. The end goal is to create a self-sustaining business that generates at least $300,000 a year and split the profits between my dad and my brother for them to pay off debt or invest as they see fit.

I don’t have kids, and don’t plan on ever having any, but I do have a family, and I want to help take care of them the way they helped take care of me when I needed it most. I don’t want any of us to keep struggling so the end goal is to basically make enough to support my family in any way that I can.

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