Couldn’t sleep, so I decided to blog about one thing that’s been keeping me awake at night – my ongoing book project which I refuse to give up on, Loveball.
Loveball is a term I started using a few years ago to describe the recreational sport of dating. It’s also my working book title, but that is changing in light of a recent revelation. You’ll find out why monentarily. Hang with me here for a little backstory in case your new to Survival of the Singles…
I like to think of dating in terms of softball. The objective is to score as many runs as possible by moving around the bases after you hit a ball with a stick.
Loveball works kind of the same way with the objective being to date as many people as possible by creating your own dating league, building an all-star dating lineup and discovering the most valuable person on your dating roster.
This involves learning to categorize the people you date into three distinct leagues as determined by a combination factors including looks, personality, values, self-esteem, social eptitude, employment status and relationship competence. Some factors may weigh more heavily than others depending on the person. For example, solid relationship skills may trump looks for an okay looking guy who treats you the way you wanted to be treated. Or looks might trump low self-esteem for a hot broad you click with in the bedroom.
Once you’ve learned to effectively categorize the peoole you date, you may come to same realization that I did: You are who you date. This knowledge will give you all the power you need to take yourself to the next level and date people that are within your league.
Make no mistake, “within your league” does not mean you are settling. Rather, it means recognizing your worth and dating accordingly. This means dating people who recognize your worth, filtering out those who don’t and adding your best relationship prospects to your mental dating lineup for further speculation based on how they score on five key levels off attraction and compatibility: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and financial. I’ve written briefly about this in the past.
Everyone you meet in Loveball moves around the proverbial bases to your heart in much the same way people move around real bases on a softball field after getting a hit.
If you meet someone you are initially attracted to, then that would be considered a base hit, or a single, because that person made it to first base with you just for being physically attractive and someone you’d get down with in a heartbeat. (Note: Getting on base, and in a scoring position is easy. It’s getting around the bases that poses a greater challenge.)
Now, say you start talking to this person and you start to feel an emotional connection as learn more about this person’s background and how much you have in common. You single hit just turned into a double for meeting you on two levels of attraction.
Through the course of the conversation, you start getting turned on by this person’s intelligence and thought process. Your single or double, has now turned into a triple for having three layers of attraction to critical for maintaining a relationship with you.
You get the idea, right? Determine five core needs you have in a relationship, or use the five I mentioned, and make as many base hits as possible. Every base hit has a chance to score your heart as the winning the prize. The most valuable person on your dating lineup may not be who you expected from the start of your dating season, but you know you’ve found your ideal match when you hit a homerun or grandslam and find someone who meets you all the way on four or five levels of attraction.
It’s an approach to dating I have developed over the years to help me avoid unneccasary heartbreak and improve the quality of my dating experiences.
Some people love the sport. Other people hate it. How much you love or hate any kind of sport usually depends on your competency level relative to how much you enjoy it. If you suck at something, you probably won’t like it as much. But if you stick with it and put in the time it takes to better yourself, you’ll probably enjoy it much more because of the personal investment you put into improving your competency level.
When all is said and done, the title Loveball does not accurately describe the subject matter of my book. It’s a really a book about pain. The irony is not lost on me.
It’s a book about the pain of dating and how one hopeless single navigated through the pain of a lonely heart until she discovered more love than she could ever imagine in an unlikely package. It’s also a simple guide for helping women overcome the greatest pains in current dateonomics.
The new book title is now Demystify Dating, which I believe more accurately describes my decade-long journey of exploring different ways to improve my dating prospects and romantic relationships. Pre-order it today at www.nikipayne.com.